This reminds me of a conversation I had recently. A friend asked me if I think people naturally want to be kind/peaceful towards one another. I said I think they definitely do towards those people who they consider to be “one of us.” So, for example, others within their family, friend group, community, nation, religion, culture, etc. For peace building, and I think also for building a stronger America, the trick is to help people see others as “one of us.”

The challenge of course is that each person’s definition of who is in their circle of “one of us” is constantly changing, from moment to moment even. Cut me in the bus line and suddenly you are “one of them,” the enemy. Survive a traumatic experience, such as 911, with me and we bound as brothers… of course only until too many people of your ethnicity move into my neighborhood. Anyone who I think I am competing against for resources is outside my circle. Anyone who I think has screwed me over in that competition is definitely outside my circle. However, if someone who I perceive to be solidly within my circle does the same thing to me or takes the same thing from me, I can be happy for them because I like being generous to those I love.

Therefore, in order to make America stronger, to make our democracy healthier, our citizens have to believe we are all in the same circle. How do we do that?

Well, I’ve found that the more I understand the world, the greater my circle of “one of us” becomes, eventually expanding to even include all of humanity, all living things, even nonliving valuable parts of our planet such as mountains. The more we learn about other people, the more we are able to empathize with them. (For example, if your brother harms you, you might know enough about him to understand where he’s coming from and why he made that mistake. You’re also more likely to forgive him because you have a history of positive interaction and you are invested in a future of positive interaction.) Strengthened empathy among Americans will lead to actions for mutual benefit and the benefit of our society as a whole. Therefore, ensuring equal access for all to a wide variety of truthful educational resources and opportunities should be a high priority in rebuilding our democracy.

However, simply knowing each other is not enough. We must also deal with the competition for resources (or the perceived competition for resources) that so often turns us against one another. I do understand that competition is a valuable tool that has engendered countless American achievements and triumphs and that capitalism has contributed significantly to the rise in the standard of living in our country. But I also am sure that there is now more than enough wealth to go around in this society and that there is no sane argument for its current distribution.

How do we convince Americans, from the top quintile to the bottom, that we will all be happier, healthier, and safer if we start valuing and treating each and every citizen equally, as just another one of “our own”?